Okay, so today started out awful. I didn't want to get out of bed and go to college. Once I got to college, I very almost skipped maths, but went in the end. I'm glad I went to lesson, as what we did was difficult and could potentially make up a lot of our exam. I kept on feeling bad and then got exasperated when my driving lesson was cancelled.
My day brightened up considerably when I text two of my old school friends and met up with them in town and spent the afternoon with them. I got some advice for where to go for mental health and had a good old chit chat. It has cheered me up a ton.
I think I'm going to try and make some progress doing work and preparing for the summer exams. I only get one shot at this and I want to do my best and not regret trying harder. It's difficult, especially with how I feel, but I cannot let the black moods beat me down.
Keep Running xx
Wednesday 26 November 2014
Tuesday 25 November 2014
Hey.
I guess I haven't written here in a while. A lot has happened. I think it would be good for me to write on here again, express my feelings and review my day.
I'm actually writing this from the college library. I couldn't stand attempting to write Chemistry notes, so thought this would be a good idea instead. I haven't got any pressing homework, so why not?
Okay, sorta confession time. I am fairly convinced I have some degree of mental illness. I have thought this for the last 2 years or so, to some extent. I just seem to be an awful lot worse recently. But the thing is, I am worried that I'm only being silly and there's nothing actually wrong with me. This would mean that I've been insulting and discrediting people with very real mental illness.
I just feel so melancholic most of the time, so hopeless, as if there was a dementor following me around. Also I feel very very anxious, especially in class or just about any other situation. I'm not always sure why, but I am fed up of feeling like this.
I don't even know who to go to for help? Who is best to talk to about this kind of thing? The college counsellors? Or do I go to my GP? Either way it seems pretty impossible for me summon the courage to go to any of these people. I don't know what I'm more scared of, being told that I'm just being stupid and I'm fine, or being told that there is something wrong with me. I think that there is, but I'm absolutely terrified to talk to anyone about it.
If there is something wrong with me, then people will have to be told. My parents. My college. My work. Universities I'm applying for. My friends too, probably.
I need to get this sorted. It's hard for me to give a real smile and these negative feelings and black days are affecting my college work. Big time. I know that I have the potential to work so much better and achieve better results, I just do it. I'm not lazy, as my dad thinks. I genuinely find it so hard to face the world everyday. It feels like there is a lump of lead inside me, dragging me down.
In other news, I saw Mockingjay on Saturday and absolutely loved it. It was upsetting, but I think it was worse because I knew what was going to happen (having read the book). I don't know what people are complaining about. I might do a review on it, if I feel like it.
Also, I might try to do Youtube videos again, properly this time, and try and keep it continuous. I don't what I'd do though, vlogs probably.
Keep Running xx
I'm actually writing this from the college library. I couldn't stand attempting to write Chemistry notes, so thought this would be a good idea instead. I haven't got any pressing homework, so why not?
Okay, sorta confession time. I am fairly convinced I have some degree of mental illness. I have thought this for the last 2 years or so, to some extent. I just seem to be an awful lot worse recently. But the thing is, I am worried that I'm only being silly and there's nothing actually wrong with me. This would mean that I've been insulting and discrediting people with very real mental illness.
I just feel so melancholic most of the time, so hopeless, as if there was a dementor following me around. Also I feel very very anxious, especially in class or just about any other situation. I'm not always sure why, but I am fed up of feeling like this.
I don't even know who to go to for help? Who is best to talk to about this kind of thing? The college counsellors? Or do I go to my GP? Either way it seems pretty impossible for me summon the courage to go to any of these people. I don't know what I'm more scared of, being told that I'm just being stupid and I'm fine, or being told that there is something wrong with me. I think that there is, but I'm absolutely terrified to talk to anyone about it.
If there is something wrong with me, then people will have to be told. My parents. My college. My work. Universities I'm applying for. My friends too, probably.
I need to get this sorted. It's hard for me to give a real smile and these negative feelings and black days are affecting my college work. Big time. I know that I have the potential to work so much better and achieve better results, I just do it. I'm not lazy, as my dad thinks. I genuinely find it so hard to face the world everyday. It feels like there is a lump of lead inside me, dragging me down.
In other news, I saw Mockingjay on Saturday and absolutely loved it. It was upsetting, but I think it was worse because I knew what was going to happen (having read the book). I don't know what people are complaining about. I might do a review on it, if I feel like it.
Also, I might try to do Youtube videos again, properly this time, and try and keep it continuous. I don't what I'd do though, vlogs probably.
Keep Running xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)